As I type I really realize that its not that there is too much to do. I can do what I have set out on my list. What the problem is, is that I know I need to be a better person. To stop being on the computer so much (yes I know its ironic to say that as I type it out), to stop wasting time reading other people's world, as my own starts to fall to bits around me. I use to feel that I needed to read the other blogs that I love daily. But this past week, with all the birthday preparations, I have not had as much time to. And, guess what? They all go on without me! :) They dont need me to read them daily (though I'm sure that they appreciate it). I let it go and life was easier. My time is needing to be reevaluated. I should play a game with my girls instead of reading another blog post. It would make them happy. And it would honestly make me happier. It would give peace because I am doing what God wants from me. These little things, take so little time from the rest of the busy day. How long does a hug take? How long does a quick game of memory match take? How long does a story take? Not much. In the light of all the hours of a day that we have, all of these things would take less then a half of an hour! So why then are they the first things to go? Why do the things that bring the most peace and joy drop off the list first? I dont know. I wish I did. There are always going to be things that need to get done. I will always have places to go, things to do, and people that need me. But I dont need to let that frenzied feeling dig into my soul and make me feel insane.
Peace can prevail, even in times of busyness. This feeling is one that really affects me as a mom, as a teacher, as a wife, as a woman. It can destroy a person so fast. I feel it eating away at me, and unless I stop it by slowing down, I feel like my moments of insanity will become my new normal. I dont want this. I dont want to be the mom that yells, that is too busy with her own things to pay attention, that cant seem to pull it together. And yet this is starting to become me. So I need to stop and I need to do. What a paradox! I need to stop wasting time, and start being available for my kiddos. I need to stop saying not right now, and start saying let do that! Its hard for me, and yet I pray for success. I know that the Lord is asking it of me. I really dont want to give things up, but I must. It is for my good, for my family's good. It will be worth it in so many ways! It was on of the resolutions I made at the beginning of the year ( you can read all of that here). I guess its good to review to stay on track. If you all can send a small prayer my way, I would appreciate it! And I am praying for all of you out there who are doing your best and trying to be all that you can be. It may not always be easy, but it is worth it! Peace and Smiles!
If you want to read more amazing and thoughtful posts on this, stop by In the Heart of my Home and Amongst Lovely Things.