Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Ash Wednesday Thoughts

Oh I have been thinking and prepping for weeks about what I will do to live Lent this year. In the past few years I have forgotten about it until it was upon me and then I played very bad catch up the rest of the season. It was not lived well, and this year I am determined to do better. My plan this year was to be small. Not to make huge promises to God that I knew were destined to fail before I got to March. I wanted to have a chance at making a new habit that would be better for my family. The plan was to stay off the computer in the morning. This would allow me to devote time to my kiddos and get some things done that needed to be done. I will admit, I am an interent junkie! I love it! I love to blog, I love Pintrest, I love to see all the amazing things that other people have been up to. But I think I have taken it too far. I know that I cant stop blogging. I love to write, to record our memories and the thing that  I do with my kiddos. But I need to love them more. To find time for them and for God and my husband. So I started off my morning by making sure that I was not on the computer. And as the morning wore on I was dying to sit and get absorbed. So I justified and by lunch I was sitting and reading some blog posts from Elizabeth Foss. Now Elizabeth is a honest, holy, and completely amazing mom. Her thoughts force me to look deep at myself and to change. So I guess it was actually a very good thing for me read. She wrote a series of posts about the time she took to transform her own life. Time to see what she was doing wrong, to see what she needed to change, and time to do it. They made me think, they made me cry, and they changed my Lenten plan. I no longer think I need to stop being on the internet during the morning, but all day. Gulp! I don't want to. In fact the tears are still on my cheeks from me heartbroken prayer to God. I don't want to. I don't want to offer that much! I know that I will still have my evening, but it isn't enough. So here I am typing my thoughts out. I think that in my deep thinking and soul searching I will still have to stop by here and write when the thoughts are just too much to keep inside. Moments like now they will eat me alive! I have always journal my feeling out and this is no different. So I apologize in advance for the horrible grammar, spelling, and everything else. Short of a quick run though and a quick spell check, you are reading exactly what I am thinking.
In the series of posts that Elizabeth wrote, she started off with exercise, diet, and prayer. Then she began to see what she was doing that needed to be changed. I think that I am there. I have started to become more aware of what I am eating, and I know that I need to exercise. I am also seeing thing that need to change. Brutal honesty here, I am a mean mom.. I yell like a crazy woman and I am not emotionally available to my kids as I should be. I keep thinking that I am parenting wrong or I need a new tip, but I think that I literally need to get off the computer and just be with them. I know that I keep saying it, and now it is time to do just that! So my new Lenten plan is this: limited computer time during the day. That means, check emails (not every moment), read some inspirational blogs that make me better at what I do (I need to hear a pep talk sometimes), look up a recipe if I need one for dinner (my computer is my cook book) and maybe type an occasional blog post here if there is something that cant wait (like now). Other then that, nothing until night time, no Pintrest, no endless blogs I like to read, no Facebook. So what to do during all this time. Well I can cook, play, and clean. I want to have intentional time with each child each day! My hubbie too! I need to make sure that I take time each day for them individually. So....deep breath....this will be good for us. God is asking it of me and I know I will be better for it. But I know it will hurt like hell for a while! I guess, as I scan over this, I realize that I am not going small after all! ;) Wish me luck and send your prayers! Happy Lent!


  1. Good luck Stephanie! In a similar spirit I have been working on the long overdue narrowing of the blogs in my reader. I started a "favorites" folder at the start of the new year and for nearly two months whenever I read something I loved, and I as I went through my years of bookmarks, I moved the blog to the favorites folder. Yesterday I began the process of deleting the ones that didn't make it to the that folder during that time. I really dislike doing it, but it's not fun to sift through 480 blogs anymore. I am really enjoying the shorter list and have been able to be a better "blog friend" to the blogs I really enjoy. Cutting down on computer time was next on my list. Thanks for the example!

    Also, at the same time that you posted this today I was at Wednesday bible study. We have a part called A.S.K.'s where we ask the group to pray for us about something during the week. Right about the exat time that you posted this I asked my group to pray for God to help me not be such a "mean mom." I mentioned my pretty healthy yell.

    1. Thanks for the encouragement! I love that you are getting rid of some blog reading. I know that they are all so wonderful, but sometime you cant do it all. I know that I am going to be doing the same thing. I know which ones I love and want to read all the time, and which ones I can live without. Being a good blog friend is really awesome and I think that it si one of the best parts of the blogging world. So far, just not reading all of the blogs and not doing any computer work in the morning is working. I seem to have some time in the afternoon to work on the computer while the girls are taking their rest, so I do it then. I also work at night. But this allows me more time with them.
      I will pray for you about the "mean mom" thing. I really understand. I just cant seem to help it and I know that I need to. I thought I had a parenting problem, but I think that it is a me problem! I see a great deal of deep breathing in my future! Thanks for stopping by and Good Luck!