Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Thinking and Changing.

Yesterday we went for a nature walk together, just me and the girls. It was wonderful and full of special little moments. One thing that really stuck out to me was something Pup said to me. She had given me a stick and I asked her what it was for. She told me she didn't know. So I asked her if it was to poke her with and I gently poked her back. She turned around, and with all the  sternness of a two year old, told me
"No. You cant poke me, I am made by God. You have to be careful with me!"

Deary me it was too cute! But it also made me really think. Do I treat my kids with that kind of care? God made their little selves and do I respect them like that? How do my actions reflect the love of God to them? Not always so well I am afraid. There have been alot of moments of late that have made me cringe. So what does taking care look like?  What is it that I should do when things are making me insane and I feel like screaming my head off?

I have been reading quite a few articles in the archives of In the Heart of my Home. Elizabeth is such a gifted writer and a gifted mother. She brings things down to a real level for moms in day to day life. And in my reading and reflection I realize that there are  few main areas that need me to attend to now. One of those things is being able to grab at joy, even when there is no joy to see. As Elizabeth puts it to fight for the joy that lies just under the weight of the crosses. Faking it until I make it. I know that it is possible. I have experienced how a bad mood can disappear as soon as a friend walks through the door, or I am blessed with a timely phone call. All of a sudden the peace that was evading me shows up unexpectedly! I guess I never really thought about doing it on purpose! Faking it until I make it! Fake peace and joy when I feel like crying and screaming. Hmmm....its an interesting thought. What if I hold the crazy in and fake a smile when the little one pees in her pants after I told her to go potty not two minutes before. What if I change the criticizing tone of voice when a little one whines and declares that she just cant read that word and never will. What if I take a deep breath and sing along with the song that had been shouted through the house even though I want it to stop before I go mad! (I think you all see that ours is not a quite house). Maybe this will make our home a better, more loving, and peaceful space. I will try it out and see what happens. It may be just the right way of looking at things so that I can make some changes!

Another thing that really needs to be worked on is Discipline. I need to find a way that we are all going to work together to do what we need to do. I use time outs for a great many things, but they seem like they don't work for some things. So I yell. That however backfires when they yell back and we are all yelling at the same time! This isn't it. I have tried the gentle parenting type approach, where you don't tell them what to do or use any punishment at all, and that just lead to crazy, unhappy, mean kids. Sometimes things need happen because I said so! So how to work that out. What is the best way to work that? This Post really helped to put a bit of perspective to it all. I am in charge of life in this house, because God said I was. It is my job to make sure that you do what needs to be done and I'm not being mean telling you what to do. Yet, I shouldn't need to punish. They should do it because I told them too and they should have the discipline of self to do that. I think that I need to really take hold of my position of authority, and own it. It is my job to teach, observe, and guild, before I get to the point of explosion! In the post, Elizabeth mentions that a child who is acting out, need something, and that something usually more mom time. They need to be under a more watchful eye, and to have more guidance. Do I think I will do away with time outs? No, because sometimes I need to have time away for a moment to calm down, and so do they. But I think I need to place more effort into talking to them afterwards about their behavior. I need to teach so that I don't need to correct so often. Tapping into the Montessori method, I think that maybe we would all benefit from some Silence Exercises. Maria Montessori placed strong emphasis on silence for small children because it allowed them to practice self control. This self control would then permeate all their other work as well. This silence is a time to practice self control, but it also offers a chance to be quite with God. Its so simple and yet it seems so hard to work into the schedule. But with Lent coming, I think it is something that needs to be woven into the fabric of our days.

Oh this is such a long post! I really feel bad about how long it is. I even thought about deleting it. But this is how I really resolve such complicated thoughts that seem to run though my head, so I will leave it. :) I hope that it helps to remind me of the things that I am learning! If you have any thoughts or ideas, feel free to comment! Talking sometimes does a world of good! Thanks for popping by! Peace and Smiles!

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